How to overcome bullying: My story and Strategies to help

Bullying is such a heartless act, which cuts through your core. That makes you question your worth in this world, and why you really should be here. The endless torment does not stop during the encounter. It stays with you day in and day out.

It might have been something you experienced as a child or teenager but the impact filters into the workplace, social settings with friends, relationships, how you approach situations, whether you trust people or not, how go about your career or opportunities. It is not a thing as just get over it and more on, unless it is healed properly it hangs around and can effect all areas of your life.

On and off over a period of 15 years I experienced bullying, how I put up with it for so long I have no idea.

It certainly built my avoidance strategies and my resilience to push through it all. The usual kind of teenage girl bullying, through to university seclusion and to top that off workplace belittling.

To feel lost and alone, like you are no one. It sent my self-confidence and self-worth so low, and quickly social anxiety set in.

I knew I was a good person, always trying to do the ‘right thing’ and give my all to the world. But when the heartless acts cut through your core and you have no real idea on how to approach the situation. It was much easier to avoid all those involved and others altogether.

I worried about what others thought of me, and I made sure I was always saying the ‘right thing’. In case it was taken the wrong way. Sometimes I found it was much easier to not say anything and just hide away in the background.

To go from a fun, loving extrovert, to feel like I was put in a closed box. I was empty.

I continued to give my all to people, and try to trust them hoping they would eventually do the ‘right thing’ by me.

I supported and gave myself to everyone and anyone during my day, so they could feel better, which in turn made me feel better. I felt like I was doing something right and some good in this world.

After 6 years of workplace bullying something inside me said enough was enough. I decided one day; I would not accept it any more. No more using or abusing of my time or my worth. I did not have to say anything to my bullies.

 I believe it was my demeanour and inner knowing, that I now had decided and deserved so much more. It stopped.

I put boundaries in place and decided on what I wanted and where I was headed. Inside me though I was still reeling about what they did to me. Back then I thought to myself, they really deserve pay back.  

On my journey in changing careers and finding my real passion in life, I soon realised I was only hurting myself by holding onto this experience.

What the bullies did to me, more than likely is a forgotten memory in time. It was in the past! It really does not matter to me now.

I was just reliving each vivid memory in my mind, the hurt, anger and pain was still there, it was like I was running on a treadmill nonstop. The past and all its memories were still alive in me.

When I finally decided to deal with the hurt, anger and feelings of being left alone, unsafe and like I could trust no one. My life and everything around it started to change. I started to change. I felt my energy lift, I found my sense of belonging and happiness to move forward with my life.

For too long I had been holding onto the ‘monkey bars’, the more I held them the more my body and muscles were failing me. One hand was etched in the past, unable to let go of all the hurt and other hand trying to move forward in life, but I could not.

When I let go and released the negative emotions from my past, the energy that propelled me forward was so fast and I landed with such grace. It was only then I was able to realise that forgiving my bullies was the only way.

The 15 years of heart ache was gone within several sessions.

The bullying experience helped me set boundaries, become more confident and find my self-worth. Have an understanding that my worth was never based on what others thought of me or what they did to me. The experience helped me understand that they were the issue, not me.

I was able to decide what I wanted and did not want in my life. I decided on who I needed to hang around and who I did not. It taught me to say NO, and most importantly to only say YES to things I wanted to do.

The most amazing thing it taught me was I was my only solution.

Below are some amazing and powerful ways and understandings to help release the hurt and empower YOU! To help you move forward and forgive, so you do not need to hold onto these feelings anymore.

When you feel proud of who you are and what you offer this world and you have the strength of confidence within you, you no longer attract these kind of situations into your life.

Begin by being that confident, empowered person at home, practice who you want to be and gradually build it into your life outside your house. Train your brain to believe in you and who you want to be. If you are that person at home, you can be that person anywhere. You are worth it and so much more. 

 You are not the problem

Bullying makes you question your self-worth and it makes you believe that something is wrong with you but really there is nothing wrong with you. There are many reasons why we encounter such situations but first and foremost is to understand the bully has the issue. The bully usually unconsciously or in some cases consciously sees something within you that they want, and will do anything to ensure you do not achieve it.

It shows you who they really are and how you don’t want to be

When you experience bullying you see the truth of who the person is and what they believe and think about themselves. They are then projecting this out of themselves, and unfortunately you are on the receiving end of this behaviour. The person is not happy and do not love themselves, so it has nothing to do with you at all.

Self Talk

Start changing your self-talk. When we experience bullying our self-talk and how we feel about ourselves is usually very low. When you experience this heartache begin by changing your self-talk to mantras like: I am beautiful, I am worth it, I am loved, I am safe, I am supported, I am accepted, I am worthy of love. While you do these affirmations use positive emotion to feel like you are that and you believe you are that. Combining the two things together rewires the subconscious mind to change your life.

Do things you love

Find things that bring you joy, peace and happiness. Invest your time, energy, and thoughts into these things. Do something for yourself each day.

Focus

When you experience bullying it’s sometimes difficult to forget about it without support. But if you really want to take your power back and not give these people anymore of your energy and time, simply not focus on them. Do not interact, react, think or have anything to do with them anymore. Walk away, change jobs if you need to, change areas in which you work. Refocus each moment on what it is that you want in your life. No thoughts about these people ever again. If you give thoughts or focus on these people you are still giving away your power and worth to them.

Make a Decision

Make a firm decision you are worth it! Decide you will never accept any of this kind of behaviour every again.

Understand how the mind works

Our subconscious mind runs 95-98% of our life. The beliefs, thoughts, feelings, habits, and behaviours we do each and everyday are run automatically. We have learnt these through repetition in the same way we have learnt to drive a car or tie our shoelaces. At the beginning we did not know how to do it very well, but overtime through repetition we were able to achieve it. It is the same as anything we believe about ourselves. If we do not believe we are worthy or feel very good about ourselves now, we can change it once we decide we are worth it. Then we use affirmations and positive emotions with repetition to reprogram ourselves to believe we are worthy, enough, beautiful, safe and supported.

Breathwork

Breathwork changes our physiology and how we feel about ourselves. Some versions of breathwork helps us to relax if we are uptight and out of sorts, like this one this one on Youtube. Other more explosive breathwork techniques use force to shift these feelings more quickly out the body so it can shift into s a state of equilibrium. Like the powerful  Wim Hoff technique.

EFT Tapping

EFT Tapping is a simple and easy technique that helps release any emotions that are surfacing and making you feel small and worthless. Here is a beautiful video on Youtube which will show you the process to follow through by yourself at home to release and let go of emotions you are feeling.

You are your only solution

When you experience any kind of trauma or experience you then become your only solution. If you don’t want to have that experience again and you wish to feel empowered and happy again, find a professional who works with Hypnotherapy or similar to help you through it.

They can help you face all the hurt, pain, uneasiness, shame, anger, sadness and release all the baggage that you are carrying within a safe environment. As layer by layer as you release all of this you will walk out a completely different person and wished you started the work earlier.

The relief and freedom you feel is expansive. Bullying makes you believe you are small and worthless, which is not true and not who you really are. When you heal with a professional it helps you understand and feel the person you really are and who you are meant to be.

Finally the super power of this healing: is it helps you forgive and let go completely.

Forgiveness was the most powerful experience I have ever had. It allowed me to look at the situation from a different perspective and set me free. 

Forgiveness is not about condoning action or believing that bullying is ok. As it’s far from ok! It’s about freeing yourself from the feelings you have to events in the past.

I realised the only person that can feel those feelings, was me! No one else!

I needed to be at peace inside myself, and not have to keep replaying the same movie in my head every single day. I wanted more space, energy, and peace to think about all my dreams and desires in life. Sometimes it is not easy to look at, but because it frees up energy in our body, it is a powerful tool.

For those who have experienced bullying, going through it now or know someone that has gone or is going through it. It’s not a nice experience and my heart goes out to you. I send my love and strength to all of you, that you will find that inner strength inside you to do the same as I did. There is a part of you that is so worth it. There is a part of you, that believes in everything that you do. You just need to find and support those parts of you. 

Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool that has direct access to the subconscious mind, where all the feelings and memories associated with bullying have been stored. A safe and gentle process is always used to release these feelings, thoughts, and beliefs we have stored about ourselves and change them to feel empowered, loved and supported.

Once you experience bullying a vast array of beliefs start surfacing like you are not worthy, not enough, not good enough, something is wrong with me, I am not lovable, I am worthless, I am not supported, no on will ever love me and more. All these beliefs are not true and once you access the subconscious mind, they can be changed and replaced.

Once you begin this process of healing all these memories, you will no longer have these experiences again and you will feel empowered and take charge of you life like you never have before.

I encourage you or someone you know explore this option under the guidance of qualified professionals.

If you feel hypnotherapy could help you best care for yourself or someone you love, my practice can help. Reach out today and receive the support you deserve.